Betsy Cole’s Story

One of my earliest childhood memories was playing with crayons and paint. There was joy and excitement in the world of color. It was a time of innocence.

The sexual abuse tore it apart. I shut down, walls went up. The world became a terrifying place. Suddenly, I was no longer good and certainly not good enough. Emotionally paralyzed, I managed to survive over the years because an inner determination grew stronger as new challenges came my way — family alcoholism, a serious bike accident, divorce, breast cancer.

At each turn, I confronted inner demons and the constant fear of failing. So much work was needed to build trust and self-confidence. If we can see the challenges through, we know they will make us stronger but that isn’t always an easy task. I had amazing support. Slowly a belief in myself and trust in others began to appear.

Artists always intrigued me. I observed them and their mysterious artworks with trepidation. I wanted to be like them. To paint and feel free seemed impossible. I never “fit in.” Instead, I became an interior designer which meant creating the visions of others. I loved it — but it was empty. I wanted to create visions of my own.

First, there were childlike swirly paintings. Then I tried figurative painting; that triggered my crippling perfectionism. Simple circles and squares came next. Nothing worked, nothing felt “right.” Art classes ended in failure and tears — the teacher’s tyrannical “musts” and “shoulds.”

On a trip to Bali I met an artist who became my mentor. Three more trips followed. Life was serene there. I felt safe, my fears melted away  and my body relaxed. I discovered freedom and realized that there was no right way and whatever I did was just fine. I learned to paint what spilled out honestly with no expectations and to paint with a new feeling which I now call a connection to spirit, something beyond me and my world.

When I try to force an idea or concept, the painting never feels right. Only by letting go does it everything begin to flow.

I am truly grateful: Grateful for the courage which allowed me to embrace my long-lost passion and grateful for the ways in which I can use it to help others. Even on the most difficult days, a piece of my life is shared, and the pain is eased out of my soul. Life is a baffling, scary, and miraculous journey.

How fortunate that I believed that it is never too late to try.

Visit Betsy Cole’s website: betsycoleart.com